I love having meaningful conversations with others and look forward to one on one discussions. However, if I’m involved in just average everyday conversation, I swear it seems like my tongue , my brain and my mouth are not on the same page at all. I try to get the simplest sentence out and it’s like my brain is driving a sports car at 100 mph, my mouth is trying to keep up on a motorcycle with a flat tire and my tongue is hanging on to a frayed rope for dear life wearing a pair of old roller skates hitting every obstacle on the way. Tongue tied doesn’t even begin to describe how bad it gets.
Being at a loss for words is as common for me as breathing air. I know what I want to say but getting it out of my mouth takes an act of God sometimes. I always picture what I say will be eloquent, poised, intelligent maybe a bit witty. However, what comes out of my mouth ends up sounding like a three year old trying to explain Quantum Physics string theory. Lucky for me, I’m not alone! In my own family, one of my sisters, and my youngest son also have the gift of thinking one thing to say and speaking gibberish instead.
We have so many memories of laughing at each other as we struggle to get words to come out of the hole in our face in some intelligible manner. One of our favorite memories is my sis ordering a mocha “crappuccino” at Starbuck’s. We were laughing so hard I didn’t think she’d be able to finish the order. I couldn’t help but giggle as my son ordered a burrito in such a way that I can’t even begin to try to tell you how it came out of his mouth. Even he looked at me like, “what did I just order?” It’s a part of life for us and I know that many of you understand the awkward situation of just trying to unscramble the words sitting on that pink flap inside our mouth.
Now the real question: how can I get past this? Well, it’s not easy. Many of us are shy, uncomfortable with conversation in the first place, and live inside our head more than outside of it. It is possible, however, to elevate your social communication and feel confidant and comfortable when speaking to those not in our “safe” group. With that said, here are a few tips to help:
- Don’t overthink! Many of us prepare our conversation in advance of saying anything out loud. I always thought it would keep me from stammering but it actually makes things worse. This is what gets our brains ahead of our mouths.
- Slow your roll. When I’m nervous, I tend to speak faster. I think I unintentionally do this to get my piece of the conversation over as quickly as possible. Of course, the faster we talk, the more likely we are to get our thoughts warped and then it’s a crap shoot on what actually comes out of our mouth! Take a deep breath, or two, before starting to speak.
- Listen! Listen carefully to what the other person is saying. That will take our mind off the distraction of how we are going to respond. Sometimes, we think we know what someone is going to ask and then at the last minute they change something and throw us completely off…then none of that rehearsing did any good and we are left befuddled.
- If appropriate, smile. It will immediately calm the air between the person we are getting ready to talk to and ourselves. By smiling, we are showing an openness, and friendliness that will show in the conversation. It also relaxes us!
- Be yourself! You know, everyone has stumbled over their own words at one time or another. Make light of it, laugh and move on. Believe me, no one but us really cares! And, you might just have a great memory to look back on and laugh. Believe me, we are making more of it than the people we are talking to!
